Helping Hands

I like taking on impossible things. Tasks with a high probability of failure. The more convoluted the path forward, the better. I like getting my hands dirty. I’m fascinated by systems. I’m fascinated by people who work in them as well…provided they are competent and dedicated to a path forward where there is equity and justice. Those people have all the ideas. I think we underestimate how many solutions to larger policy or social issues can be addressed by people who toil within the murkiness and impossibility of entrenched social systems on a daily basis.

I’m stubborn, but at some point the drag and pain of the work itself is…a lot.

It’s astounding where we can find bravery and maybe an ounce or so of masochism. I do a lot of system work and I’ve met a wide range of people. Before having kids I was one of those system workers. Now I’m a volunteer. In my pre-cherub life I worked with at-risk kids outplaced from public school with a smattering of direct corrections work. Working with both of these populations in complicated systems is one of those burnout fields. How does one endure? It’s something that I had to ask myself regularly. I’m stubborn, but at some point the drag and pain of the work itself is…a lot.

But it’s impossible, so I’m game to dive in even as a volunteer where I have a little more control over my time than I used to. One thing I learned early on, however, was that everything matters. Everything I did. Every action I took. Every interaction I had, mattered. I didn’t…couldn’t know how or to what extent, but it mattered in some way to someone.

I think sometimes we expect and need to know our impact, which is when the work can be too much…when it feels hopeless and we are weighed down with helplessness. When I was asked for advice by new teachers, especially people who were struggling with how much everything is I say the same thing.

Maybe the nothing smiled “good morning” is the only time anyone ever smiles at them, much less says good anything.

You never know your impact. You can have a kid trudge into your room, sit down, cover their entire head with a hood, and sleep without ever making eye contact or uttering a single word. The first impulse is to think that isn’t a kid we are reaching because they seem so disengaged. The thing is, we don’t know what people need in those moments. This could be a kid that can’t sleep at home. Sure, they aren’t accessing their education, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t making a difference. Maybe the nothing smiled “good morning” is the only time anyone ever smiles at them, much less says good anything. Maybe they carry that reliable greeting with them day in and day out. Maybe it’s the only thing that gets them through their day. It’s a different framing, but small things are in our control. Our impact, less so.

I had a student I knew for five years. He’s severely impacted with a psychotic disorder and when I met him, having a conversation at all was impossible. Throughout those five years, he improved, as one often does with ongoing appropriate treatment. Over time he did better but since he wasn’t misbehaving, as the Principal, I didn’t do more than shake his hand in the morning and wish him a good day…like I did with everyone. I never really thought about it…just common courtesy really. When he graduated high school, I congratulated him. I told him how proud I was. He told me that he always liked the way I spoke to people. He learned to talk to others by copying my interactions. I know he went to college. I don’t know anything after that. But that handshake greeting took nothing for me to do, yet…

We don’t take the time to understand how the system works, and we don’t have the patience or understanding that everything we do matters.

How easy it is to dismiss ourselves. We have a culture in the United States where there is a single savior or a single action that will dramatically transform the social landscape and fix everything. I think that’s a large part of why we can become so discouraged that the world isn’t fixed with one event or one election. We don’t take the time to understand how the system works, and we don’t have the patience or understanding that everything we do matters. With every action we take in life, we influence the greater picture in some way. The ripple effect of our actions is the progress we make to a better world.